Sunday, 12 May 2024

Crackfic (kinda): POO VS TONY

Probably how a fight would start between Poo and Tony. Sorry, I couldn't think how how to include Paula in this xd

Anyways, this was inspired by this one manga/doujinshi page (which I saw once on Google images,but now can't find)[UPDATE: NO WAY I FOUND IT (Tweet/Image)]. It was of the scene of Poo arriving to the party and pledging his loyalty and devotion to Ness, and Jeff thinks to himself, "that reminds me of someone..." referring to Tony. 

Anyways, enjoy this stupid crackfic & my attempted humour.

Also, I'm headcanoning that Paula's shy to write profanity because of her upbringing in a religious household. She swears quite a bit in her diary, and has especially done a lot more since joining Ness, but she still censors them xd

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Dear Diary;

Ness and Jeff are usually best buddies. But they're so different, so it's not really surprising when they get into dumb fights. This time, Jeff told Ness he was a "Low IQ b****" and it really p****d Ness off.

Anyways, while all that drama's happening, I'm just trying to level up Ness's character in FATHER. He said he'd lend me $20 if I got him to a high enough level.

Anyways, that's it for now. Will update you more later.

-Paula.

---

At Ness's house, Ness, Jeff and Poo sit at a table with playing cards, cash, and snacks scattered everywhere.[I have no idea what they're playing but probably it was Black Jack, and they're gambling with their luch money and snacks]

NESS: "Low IQ"?! WHAT AM I TO YOU? STUPID?!

JEFF: In a matter of fact, yes.

NESS: AAAGH, I've had it with you, man! HOW DA HELL DO YOU WIN SEVEN TIMES IN A ROW?!

JEFF: It's strategy.

NESS: It's a CHANCE game!

JEFF: Also, a bluffing game.

NESS: OHHH MAN, I'm gonna kick your ass so hard that you'll be crapping outta your mouth! 

JEFF: (Condescendingly) Alright then.

NESS: YEAH.

JEFF: ...

NESS: ...

JEFF: See, you're hesitating because of my glasses.

NESS: No, I'm not!

JEFF: (Laughing) Oh man, I c--

POO: Stand aside, Ness. Allow me!

JEFF/NESS: Huh?

SMAAAAAASH! Poo kicks Jeff in the butt!

JEFF: AAH! 

---

Meanwhile, in Winters... Tony is doing homework on his bed.

TONY: What was that? ... *Gasp* Jeff!

---

Jeff has landed head-first on the ground. Poo dusts off his hands.

JEFF: MY GOODNESS, WHAT WAS THAT?!

POO: Ness, the deed has been done. 

Poo tries to fist-bump Ness. Ness leaves Poo hanging.

NESS: I could've done it myself you know!

POO: I appreciate your gratefulness.

Shoooooooooot.... CRASH! 

JEFF: ... ... ... What's that noise?

TONY: JE-E-E-E-E-EFF!!!

Tony comes in running.

JEFF: Oh boy...

TONY: I knew it! Someone's bullying you! NOW WHO DARES TO HURT JEFF?!

NESS: ME!

POO: ...

TONY: UGH what a loser (To Jeff) What do you want me to do to him?

JEFF: Deck him

NESS: HAHAHA, are you seriou--

Tony tries punching Ness. Poo blocks it!

POO: Don't!

NESS/JEFF: ...

TONY: And who are you?

POO: I am Poo! Crown prince of Dalaam and protector of this idiot, who in a bluffing game lost a total of seven times in a row, Ness of Onett. [NESS: HEY!] So, you must be this "Tony" I've heard about.

TONY: Yup, I'm Tony! Jeff's one and only!

POO: I see. I always had the impression that you were a gentle boy, always pathetically worrying about that smart alec Jeff, based from the contents of that one letter [TONY: WHAT], but seeing how you've attempted to act violently upon Ness... (pause) Hmph. It's a shame we hadn't met under better circumstances...

TONY: Oh so you want to fight me, Prince Charming?

POO: Well, it depends! You lay a finger on the young Onettan man, and you're dead, boy!

Tony pokes Ness.

NESS: Ow!

POO: ARE YOU SERIOUS

NESS: Y'know what, I'm outta here...

Ness scoots away. Poo steadies himself into a fighting stance.

POO: (To Tony) If this is what you choose, then a duel you will get! Prepare yourself!

Ness walks over to Jeff.

NESS: Hey Jeff, let's just play video games with Paula.

JEFF: Yeah, let's go.

Ness and Jeff leave to the other room. Meanwhile, Tony assumes a defensive stance, too.

TONY:Oh goody! I've been waiting for a day like this! Let's go, prettyboy!

TO BE CONTINUED...?!

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